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Sheena Duncan - memorial
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TOPIC: Sheena Duncan - memorial
#248
Sue Davies
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Sheena Duncan - memorial 11 Years ago Karma: 3
Whilst many of us with children the same age as Sheena have perhaps cursed the expense of our children going off, getting married, maybe helped out with the mortgage or a million of other expenses incurred with our off-spring, Ken and Wendy Duncan can only offer a memorial stone that commemorates and pays tribute to their daughter Sheena…. Ahh but therein lies the barb it won’t necessarily be as they would want you see, a deal of it has to do with the Much Hadham Parish Council/Burial Authority and the list of rules which regulate not only the type of memorial you can have, but the flowers.
Ken and Wendy aren’t asking for a sky-reaching angel, they simply want a black granite memorial stone with a small photo (9 x 7 cms) of their daughter.
Most of us I would warrant do not visit the cemetery unless we have friends or relatives buried there and are we truthfully concerned as long as these places are kept tidy and in order to respect our loved ones, but it does matter to those who have loved ones laid to rest there.
In the words of one of the letters of support from a Mum suffering exactly the same loss as the Duncan family -
‘ Surely if it brings any comfort at all, it would be the right thing to allow this small change to your rules and regulations, surely it is the living that matter and I urge you to do all you can to support this family, who are suffering the worse loss that anyone can go through’.
May I ask those of you reading this if you too would kindly show support for Ken, Wendy and Melanie by writing a short letter of response to either the Chairman Martin Dillon or the Parish Clerk. Alternatively if you would like to contact me Sue Davies 843441
 
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#249
Sandra Constable
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Re:Sheena Duncan - memorial 11 Years ago Karma: 0
To loose a child is tragic in any circumstances, but allowing a family to install an appropriate memorial is one way of helping family and friends to deal with the situation. Installing a black granite stone with a small photograph, I would have thought would be very much in keeping with the local environment and at the very least, should be considered as what the family would like.

I'm not sure what rules or regulations are in place; but surely there is a common sense approach that asks 'is the request being made, unreasonable'?

Times have changed and moved on. Different stones are used today than previously and photographs are a popular way for everyone to remember those that have been laid to rest. It seems to me that whatever rules are in place, have not moved with the times to accommodate this sympathetic approach to remembering loved ones, and they should be reviewed.

Sandra Constable
 
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#250
Zoelaffe
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Re:Sheena Duncan - memorial 11 Years ago Karma: 0
I learned of Sheena's death only days ago through Melanie, not being as close as we were mean't I wasn't aware of the struggle and pain her family have gone through after Sheena's death.

I understand a short letter to the Chairman for each individual who had the greatest pleasure of meeting Sheena may sway them to allow the family to have a small photo on Sheena's memorial stone. After learning that there are many other memorial stones that breech the rules it hardly seems fair that one family wishing to to pay tribute to their daughter cannot do so.

I urge you to write to the chairman or indeed get in touch with Sue Davies and express your concern to.

Sheena I'm sure would not want her family to go through anymore than they already have done from losing her to now struggling to pay tribute to their very much loved daughter.

People who die young will remain young in our hearts forever the Duncan family simply want Sheena to be remembered and to have a picture on her memorial stone, it's not a far fetched idea and as it has been said before it's not a sky-reaching angel, a simple picture is hardly an eyesore or affecting the environment it is simply a reminder of a loved one who will be dearly missed.

Zoe Lafferty
 
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#251
Sue Davies
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Re:Sheena Duncan - memorial 11 Years ago Karma: 3
Thank you to everyone who has so far written and left feedback for us, we have received some extremely kind and useful letters and although emotional - it is a very emotional subject.
We are all off to the parish meeting next week, so we would be extremely grateful if you could either leave us feedback on here (its quite easy to register) or write to Mr Dillon (chairman)and copy to Mr Ingham (Parish clerk)or contact me Sue Davies 843441
We will update you all with our progress when available.
Many, many thanks once again,
Sue Davies on behalf of the Duncan Family
 
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#252
Ant
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Re:Sheena Duncan - memorial 11 Years ago Karma: 0
Sheena’s Headstone

I have been friends of the Duncan’s for a good many years and was shocked to hear of Sheena’s illness. It took her from her family and friends not only at such a young age but also so quickly.
I am amazed at the strength of those around her, and indeed Sheena herself at how they came to deal with it. Sheena’s pain has ended but those who loved her will need to try and understand why she was taken.
Part of the grieving process is to get through those milestones, the 1st Christmas, the 1st birthday, the anniversary of the diagnosis and of the course the loss, I’m sure the Duncan’s could name many more…
One chapter they would like to close is the placement of a headstone for Sheena, however it seems the rules &amp; regulations are against them. At the time of the loss one can hardly be expected to obtain &amp; read or the small print regarding a memorial stone but this is where things have gone wrong. A simple black granite headstone with an image of Sheena hardly seems excessive, indeed I have seen these in many graveyards and I find them very moving. They put a face, an identity to the deceased which a stone and inscription cannot do.
Who is going to object and on what grounds!
I visit my Grandfather, who I lost in 1980 quite regularly. The visit is always emotional but of all the rows of bland headstones giving Name, DofB, DofD &amp; age one stands out more than all the rest. Not in an obtrusive way but in a ‘real person’ way. A young girl whose picture is on her headstone.
When these graveyard rules where written I suspect putting photos onto gravestones was not even possible. Well maybe it’s time to update those rules!
Put the Duncan’s out of this pain and let them move on
 
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#253
Sue Davies
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Re:Sheena Duncan - memorial 11 Years ago Karma: 3
WE WON! is the sentiment of the day.


Thankyou to each and everyone who helped in any way to make this campaign a success.
Sorry its short and sweet, but just wanted to say a huge thank you to you all.
Sue
on behalf of Ken, Wendy, Melanie and Dan.
 
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